They say that time heals but - next Thursday, September 3rd, 2015, will be 8 months to the day that my fiancee was killed. For some reason the past few days I find little things destroy me - a song, a picture, even the smell of certain foods cooking - and I find myself crying uncontrollably.
There have only been two human beings in my 64 years of life who have loved me unconditionally - my Mom and Cely.
Right now the years ahead look pretty barren (and based on family statistics and records I have quite a few barren years left ahead of me). My music keeps me going - but when the songs are done, everyone goes home to their spouse or their girlfriend or their boyfriend - and I go home to a cat and my housemate.
I am happy that so many people I know have life partners and families and career successes - but I confess that my happiness for them is tinged with traces of envy and a little jealousy.
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